Dear Carolyn: I have five children, two daughters. “Lynn” is 40, and “Emma” is 29. Lynn got married 15 years ago, and since she was the first bride of the younger generation, a big fuss was made over her wedding by me, my two sisters and especially my mother.
Emma is getting married next month, but since she is the fifth and last bride in our family, it’s not as big a deal. That’s the way it was in the previous generation, too, because this happened to my sister, the sixth bride that time around.
Complicating matters is the fact that Lynn is a stay-at-home mom of four whose husband recently left her for another woman. She is in a tailspin and requiring a lot of support. The whole family of women are pulling together for her, cooking, cleaning, taking turns sleeping at her house, etc. Except for my mom, we all have full-time jobs, which two of us didn’t have 15 years ago.
All that leaves us with little time or energy to focus on Emma’s wedding, which I thought she would understand. When she asked when we would all be making the usual desserts and decorations for the reception, no one felt they could commit.
Emma was hurt and pointed out what everyone did for Lynn, but we can’t even “do the minimum” for her. I was blindsided by her anger. I’m sorry we did more for her sister and cousins, but Lynn has the greater need right now.
I told Emma her father and I are paying for everything just like we did for her sister, and she could ask her friends to help.
Am I/are we being unfair to Emma?
— Blindsided
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